In October 1988, Ronald Reagan proclaimed this month to recognize the loss so many parents experience in the United States and around the world.
In April 2013 I had an ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t know I was pregnant but I was experiencing pain so severe I compared it to the pain I felt pre-epidural laboring with Peter. My husband brought me to the hospital to make sure everything was okay, and maybe it was just really bad cramps (I was hoping). After a pregnancy test in the hospital they told me I was pregnant but needed to look with an ultrasound. The technician came in and put the wand over my belly but was silent. She looked at me, looked at the screen, took a deep breath and told me she would be right back. My husband and I just looked at each other but I was still hopeful. What she saw was “free-flowing blood.” I was immediately rushed to the other hospital for women and newborns (same place I delivered Peter). The doctor came in a told me what they were going to do.
I lost it.
I could not let them take my baby. I cried and cried and said no. Apparently my ectopic had ruptured and I was bleeding out so they had to get in as soon as possible.
After the crying subsided and my husband and I lay on the hospital bed waiting for surgery, I prayed and prayed that God would hold my baby and keep her with Him. I can’t explain what happened at that moment except I felt peace. I said, okay God, I am in your hands.
After waking up from surgery they told me they took out almost 2 liters of blood just free-flowing in my abdomen and there was no sign of the baby.
There was no sign of the baby.
That peace I felt while praying to God, that was God. My baby is with Him in heaven. There is no other explanation. I pray everyday for my baby and I picture her sitting on Jesus’ lap smiling down on me.
“A wife who loses a husband is called a widow. A husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses his parents is called an orphan. There is no word for a parent who loses a child. That’s how awful the loss is.” -Jay Neugeboren
Their lives were too short, yet so meaningful.
Take this opportunity to keep someone you know who has lost a child in your thoughts and prayers. It is never easy and the pain never goes away, but with a strong support system it is helpful knowing you are not alone.
Visit Remember Our Babies for more information.