I told Pilot I wanted to be weak.
I wanted at least a day to be sad about him leaving again. He didn’t quite understand my reasoning or lack thereof.
I know I’m supposed to be “lucky” he only went on half a deployment.
I know I’m supposed to be “lucky” he is coming home for the birth of baby #2.
I know I’m supposed to be “lucky” I have my family here.
Well you know what? I have been counting my blessings and thanking God everyday, however, today I just want to be sad.
I don’t think it’s such a bad thing. It’s important to express how we feel.
It’s great to be brave.
Suck it up.
Count my blessings.
Today I am going to be sad.
Pilot left when I was 8 weeks pregnant and came home when I was 28 weeks pregnant.
He is home for 3 weeks and leaves again until I am 40 weeks pregnant.
I normally wouldn’t be feeling so sorry for myself but our baby is breech and it’s freaking me out.
I am going to the chiropractor, acupuncture and putting myself in really strange positions trying to flip this baby before it’s “too late.”
So…with Pilot leaving again soon and this baby very comfy in the breech position, my mind is running at 100mph.
I can’t sleep.
I am finding it harder to smile as his departure date gets closer.
My pregnancy with Peter was so different.
We ooed and awed over my growing belly everyday.
Preparation for baby #2 almost feels like a chore.
I need to buy more diapers.
I need to set up the bassinet.
I need to put the baby swing together.
I need to buy the second seat for the stroller.
This may be normal after the first child. Who has that time anymore to prep the way we did?
At any rate, it’s making me feel sad and lonely.
The doctor is saying we can try and flip the baby manually at 36 weeks but we will have to do it in the hospital in case anything happens and they need to do emergency c-section.
Peter’s birth wasn’t exactly a piece of cake but Pilot and I studied and executed the Bradley Method with Peter’s birth.
Neither of us have cracked that book open since.
I continue to pray for God’s grace and strength in Him and not the fear within myself.
I had my day to feel sorry for myself but I think it’s time to snap out of it and honestly take a step back and look at what God has blessed me with.
It would be so easy to stay in my slump and mope.
Tomorrow is a new day.
I will treat it as one.